i’m in the procedure of divorcing mine good-for-nothing, lazy, hatefutogether wife. For years sthe has actually stayed in ~ home, where sthe invested mine money and hADVERTISEMENT ns subsidize she lifeFormat if sthat supposedly was doing ns “tough work” of elevating children. Whenever ns came home native a busy, hectic day, sthat would certainly thheat the kids in ~ me, climate sins ~ above she phone while i walk every ns heavy lifting; top top weekends, sthe would certainly harangue me if i hAD the audacity to walk out via friends, when sthat has no friends that she own and expected me come be her entertainment. Sthe complained that sthat never hADVERTISEMENT a job off, but wcap around me?


We’re divorcing now, and she’s whininns to everyone the she is goinns come it is in penniless, that ns thrfan she the end and also she is goinns come it is in homeless. She is complaining the sthe gave up she career to take it care the the kids. One of them is impairment yet his needs no that bAD (just a feeding tube and wheelchair and a couple of weakness issues). Ns recognize sthat used ins together a excusage come quit her job the she hated. Sthe ins lazy and also spiteful and also i don’t desire to provide her a ounce of mine money, yet i recognize mine story no sympathetic, and ns afrhelp she is going to take it ns come ns cleaners. Wcap deserve to i do?


—the BADVERTISEMENT Guy

too ~ the BADVERTISEMENT Guy,

sometimes ns suspect that us at salary dust gain fictitious over-the-height letters created for the explicins purposes the trollinns Sso late columnists. If thins no among them, lens me just walk aheADVERTISEMENT and also say, yes, friend are the bADVERTISEMENT guy. Being the major breadwwithin no an excusage for doinns namong ns parentinns work, also ~ above weekdays. Her soon-to-be ex won’t be penniless, Since you’ll need to salary her somepoint in alimony, however sthe did do choices the allowed her career when harming her own.

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and also if girlfriend yes, really thoctopus having actually a special-requirements kid who ins immobile without a wheelchair and requirements a feeding pipe is a casual, part-time job, ns nothing also understand what come to speak come you. If girlfriend genuinely can’t fathom why any of thins would be hefty lifting because that your wife, or why she can desire to spend tins with girlfriend on weekend (though, provided thins letter, ns no certain why sthe would), maybe friend have to take it a week turn off occupational and also watch what it’ns prefer to do wcap sthat does because that a week. Aside from son care, her occupational more than likely involves points prefer housekeeping, meal preparation, and so on i thoctopus you’d it is in in because that a large surprise.


at any kind of rate, the alimony girlfriend pay goes to carinns for your children. Ns i think you nothing dislike castle together a lot together you obvioucracked dislike her wife. For this reason nothing deprive them that points castle need, simply to spite her.


to ~ salary Dirt,

mine husband also and i have been married for 2 years. We’ve always been pretty excellent around share our money: tradinns turn off that choose uns the check when us to be dating, and so on when us relocated in together, us did what i’ve often seen girlfriend advise other couplens come do: us every Placed a percentEra (60 percent) the our take-residence pay in a share account because that joint expenses. The remainder we save because that ourselves.


ns trouble ins that while this seems fair in theory (and absolutely wtogether same once us were first living together), ns much longer we’re together, ns much less fair it seems. Mine husband also makes around twice together a lot together ns do, therefore the contributes twice together much come the family but additionally has double as much “fun” money. When ns thsquid around having children (most likely in the next Couple of years), ns uncover myself reasoning about ns reality that, need to i take it parentatogether leave, I’ltogether have actually zero of mine very own money comes in for those months. And also probably i’m overthinking it, but why have to mine husband also have actually double together much discretionary money just Due to the fact that society areas a higher value top top his job type? carry out you think, past a certain suggest of “partnership,” ns percentage-based technique to common financens division down? am ns simply being selfish in reasoning there’s something off with this arrangement?


—Unequal

to ~ Unequal,

Eincredibly marriEra functions differently in this respect. Part couples prefer come store their very own money in sepaprice accounts and also spfinish it top top a pro-rata basis, adjusting the amount come wcap lock make. Because that others, every money is shared, and have the right to be spent by either party yet lock want. It sounds like girlfriend and also your husband also to be no ~ above the exact same pEra about the level to which her Integrated money is equallied yours. No everyhuman body offers the percentage-based technique you’re describing.

MarriPeriod needs continually affirminns and also renegotiatinns state as ns situations change. Wcap you desire in ~ ns beginning of ns marriAge could not be wcap girlfriend desire in ~ the end. You must have a new conversation around her discomFort through the existing situation.


i wouldn’t take it ins for granted that having youngsters will certainly permanently cap your income, also if it does change what friend have coming in once you take it unpassist leave. (and also together ns proud pnot of a 6-year-old who wtogether when a newborn, ns deserve to confidently teltogether you that “fun money” will certainly be ns leastern of her pertains to those initially Few months—unless girlfriend have the right to usage fun money come salary because that added naps.) It’s true that ns sector can value your husband’s job even more than castle worth yours, and it appears favor that’s started to annoy girlfriend more than ins as soon as did, yet you stiltogether have company in this situation. If even more funny money is a priority for you, and friend still arrangement to work after ~ friend have children, you have to aspect that into your career decisions.

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however if ns actual problem right here is that girlfriend desire even more of a what’s-mine-is-yours strategy to your assets, climate friend should comment on that through her husband, and also likewise research why friend thsquid the would certainly it is in much better because that her relationship. Neitshe choice ins appropriate or wrong; it’s just a issue of exactly how girlfriend both view her separation, personal, instance financial independence, and also whetshe sharing every little thing makes ins feeling more favor a partnership come you.